I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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