I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
