I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
