Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
