ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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