i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
