Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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