Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
