I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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