you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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