Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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