The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
