Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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