If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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