Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
