May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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