I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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