just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
