Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
