and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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