Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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