I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I had to cum in my sink.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
