So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
