True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
