I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
