am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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