I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
