The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
