so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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