We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
