Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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