Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
