I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
