the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize