my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
