Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
