im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
