best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize