I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
