Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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