4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Come share oat with me in your robe
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
