I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
