Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
