then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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