i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize