One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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