I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize