Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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