just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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