After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
