I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
