You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I yelled at your uterus for you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
