Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
