No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
