I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You have to summon your inner elephant
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
