So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
