So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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