The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
so much tequila, so little girl.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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