We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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