god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
