from now on my penis is your penis
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
