Moan for me like Helen Keller
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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