I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
