okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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