mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im part way to drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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