saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
