Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
