Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize