Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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