So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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