You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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