Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
