I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
