yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
