It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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