he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pants are for mortals
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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