Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think my fart just growled at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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