just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
