Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
